100 (or so) thoughts on Skyward Sword
by shadowfreak75
Summary: In a faraway land a young lad sets off on a journey... this fanfic... has absolutely nothing to do with that! However it does talk about all of the things that the author found to be strange or just plain funny about the world of said journey, hope you enjoy!


Author's Note: Hello! I am Caboose! Nah, just kidding, I'm shadow and this is not my first story but it is my first Zelda story. So read, review and the like. If you are reading this, then you probably are doing so because you got captivated by my highly captivating summary. If that is the case, great! If you are reading this because you thought my summary was crap but you decided to read on just for kicks then that's even better! You've got a great attitude towards life!

Anyway, enough messing about, here's the story.

P.S these thoughts are in a random order, when it came to my head I wrote it down! It is not chronological!

100 (or so) humorous thoughts about Skyward Sword.

* * *

1. Link likes to sleep in – especially on extremely important days and when he gets nightmares, in fact if you think about it, that's how this whole thing started!

2. Groose is a bit of a fag, don't worry, he'll help you out...eventually (no offence to any gays out there... and no offense Groose, but you know it's true)

3. Zelda was TOTALLY going to tell you (Link) that she loved you, then that damn tornado just HAD to ruin the moment.

4. Speaking of Zelda, she seems to have a strange, sadistic habit of pushing you off of tall places.

5. Psst! Listen carefully, when she asked me if I knew what to do on top of the Goddess Statue... I made a creepy grin and had dirty thoughts... hehehe *shifty eyes*

6. Ghirahim is a VERY creepy dude, that weird lip-licking with his uber-long tongue makes him seem pretty gay (once again, no offence, but deep down we all know this to be true.)

7. I've always wondered this about the Zelda games and I've never really questioned it before but where the HELL does Link put all his sh**! It all somehow fits into one tiny little pouch pocket! Even in Twilight Princess! One example being that he fit a whole big ass Ball and Chain in there! This sh** is messed up!

8. I hate those skyloft cats! At night I keep trying to kill them with my sword but it NEVER works! One time I picked it up and threw it off the island 'cuz I was mad but guess what? THE DAMNED THINGS CAN FLY!

9. The Thunder Dragons challenges are annoying and difficult 'nuf said.

10. Link has to go through a LOT of crap. If I were him I would probably just give up and kill myself. Stupid destiny.

11. So, Fi! I'm your master, hey? Hehehe!

can just imagine the Imprisoned as a Pokémon, I mean look at it! It's clearly gaining EXP and evolving

13. Speaking of Evolving, Ghirahim does that too.

14. Nothing in the Zeldaverse has blood. Absolutely nothing. Not even you! Yes, you! You!

15. Spoiler Alert Warning!: if you haven't finished the game do not read thought number 24, you have been warned.

16. Keep helping the Goron that you first meet (I think his name is Gorko or something). He continuously gives you cool stuff

17. The Item that you receive in a particular dungeon will help you tremendously. (No Duh!)

18. Nintendo obviously put a lot of realism into the LoZ Universe. Cuz its extremely normal and realistic for things to explode when they die, yeah, totally. (NOT!)

19. The people of Skyloft does not work. All weapons have no effect on them. (except for the Gust Bellows which actually has a strange reaction on people... there probably allergic to wind... yeah...)

20. There are only 80 gratitude crystals you need to collect for Batreaux. Once you do collect them he gives you a wallet with a mouth that can carry 9000 rupees. Cha-Ching! Too bad it wasn't OVER 9000!

you finish the game and it asks you if you want to do hero mode DO NOT ACCEPT! You have to trust me on this one! I frankly don't care if you don't get anything from this fanfiction except for this one point! This is IMPORTANT! Hero Mode is annoying and difficult (I've finished Hero Mode, 'tis quite crap. At first you'll be like NOOO! Because all of your hard work got deleted and you have to start over. At the middle you'll be hitting yourself and cursing while you frantically try to kill Koloktos... again! By the end you'll be regretting not listening to me and punching your TV screen hoping that it may somehow damage Demise! Listen to me! It's for your own good!)

22. Speaking of Hero Mode, it makes the thunder Dragon's battle challenges IMPOSSIBLE to complete anything past round 3.

23. You know, for the interdimensional embodiment of evil, Demise is actually really easy to defeat! That is, of course, in normal mode and not HERO MODE! (no sarcasm, really... really!)

24. The Old Woman in the temple is Impa! OMG! She must have lived for a VERY long time, what do you think is her secret to living for over 1000 years? Too bad it wasn't OVER 9000! (Don't say you weren't warned)

25. There is a paradox in skyward sword. Think about it, when Link hits a time stone it causes everything around it to turn back to the way it was hundreds of years ago, but doesn't that mean that Link would also turn back into nothingness since he didn't exist hundreds of years ago?... Ah well, I'll just associate it to Zelda Hacks.

26. OH MY GOD! I just realized that your sword also evolves! Jesus Christ, what else in this game is like Pokémon!?

27. After many years searching far and wide I now know the anser to thought number 26: many MANY things. I wont even bother mentioning them, you can work it out for yourself.

28. Admit it, you freaked out when you saw Fi being hit by the Sacred Flame for the first time. C'mon! Don't lie! You jnow deep down that it's true.

29. Sure, the people of Skyloft have giant birds to fly with but wouldn't living in Skyloft be, ya know, kinda boring? I mean it's quite a small island.

30. BWAHAHAHA! I forgot to mention that when you do collect all 80 gratitude crystals that Batreaux still looks like a monster, you'll see what I mean when you see it.

31. I seem to have forgotten about the spoiler alert for number 30... Oh well.

32. So the ancestor of Ganondorf is Demise and the ancestor of Link is... Link? What's up with that?

33. Link cannot express himself besides grunts of exertion, gasping for breath, screaming when falling off cliffs and when you do see him talking it's just with exaggerated arm movements. Look, what I'm saying is quite simple. No, he can't talk. Like, at all. Ever.

34. Everybody loves to abuse Link, stop doing this to him, he already has a lot of crap to deal with!...hey... that would make a good TV show! Everybody Loves to Abuse Link, yeah it's got a nice ring to it.

35. Link can do everything perfectly right the first time around... EVERYTHING!

36. The first time that my sword got hit by lighting while fighting Demise I was all like, "Oohoo! Boy, your 'bout to be f***ed! I'm Zeus, B***ch!"

37. It turns out that Link's world IS square!

38. Once again I forgot the spoiler warning for number 32 AND 36. Oh, whatever. I'm not gonna waste anymore of your time with spoiler alerts, read at your own risk.

39. You can make the days and nights last forever! Link is probs all like, "Pfft! Please! I don't need sleep! I'm too good for sleep!"

40. I love it how sitting on a chair revitalizes all of your hearts. Sigh, if only that were true in real life... in fact, if only everything on that game was true in real life. Think about it.

41. I also like the fact that Link doesn't have to eat anything! I mean be some, he must be some sort of god or something because sleep AND food are optional for this guy! He just needs to find hearts and it's all good!

42. I'm pretty sure that I've died more than 42 times in the game, so how does that make 42 the meaning of life? (I'm actually really sorry, I realise that this might actually be the most irrelevant and pointless thought ever. Of all time.)

43. Every time I hear that creepy music in the silent realm when the guardians wake up I have 2 reactions. First, I get annoyed, then when they're about to catch/kill me I literally get ready to sh** my pants (don't deny it, I know you feel the same.)

44. More proof that Link is actually a god: whenever he dies he just comes back to life! The bastard is immortal!

45. Is it just me or does it seem really stupid that giant birds cannot cross a barrier made out of clouds?

46. That clown guy on that skydiving island is REALLY creepy, come to think of it, a lot of people in this game are also really creepy. And what's with that trumpet of his?

47. If you help out Fledge on his "quest" to get strong he is eventually able to do over 3000 push ups, and he counts that as a warm-up! I can only do up to 40 as my PB. (non-stop without rest) Too bad it wasn't OVER 9000!

48. I continuously lied to Peatrice the Item Check girl, I pretended to like her and what do I get? 5 gratitude crystals. That's not worth it. The only girl that Link should like is Zelda.

49. In real life I wouldn't trust Groose and that catapult of his. After all he used to hate Link and maybe, just maybe, he might... accidentally... hit him with a bomb flower...

50. Speaking of the catapult, he launched you from the thing on more than one occasion. Yup, I definitely wouldn't trust that guy. He has plans to kill you, he just needs an excuse to do so.

51. I like the fact that Ghirahim is actually a sword that is capable of performing magic, dresses like a homo, has megalomania issues and is a taekwondo expert. He has all these abilities and yet he cannot defeat a young human being (who actually has god hacks). Not a good sign. It's no wonder that Demise turned Ghirahim into a sword permanently.

52. I would think that the first thing that Link and Zelda would have done when you finished that game was to... ya know... celebrate... with cake! Wait a minute... WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING!

53. When you enter the portal that Demise created it actually looked like a lovely day in there. Once again I must point out that despite the fact that he is the embodiment of evil, Demise can paint a pretty picture.

54. Speaking of Demise, you can totally imagine him with a British accent, all supervillains have either a crazy and/or a British accent. He seems too serious to be crazy (although he is pretty crazy for the same manoeuvres time and again) so I bet that he has a deep, gruff voice with a British accent.

55. If you had to use internet walkthroughs to finish the game, you are not a true player.

56. Hands up all those people who yell "kamehameHA!" when you do a skyward strike... I thought so.

57. Also about the skyward strike, you can change it's angle by slicing in a different way, you can even stab! (this was for those people who hadn't figured it out yet, I know you're out there.)

58. Zelda slept for 1000 years! 1000 YEARS OF SLEEP!... that musta been one HELL of a sleeping drug.

59. If you played any of the other Zelda games you would realise that Zelda never actually repays Link in any way... ungrateful bitch.

60. It doesn't make sense ti me that the citizens of Skyloft can't just jump off from anywhere on the island. What difference does a wooden platform make?

61. I must admit that I am rapidly running out of humorous thoughts, this is actually hard work. I should get paid for this! Is there such a career as "guy who can churn out close to 100 funny thoughts about a game but takes over three months to post it on the website"...?

62. You know who else doesn't get paid? Link. But he can collect a TON of rupees along the way. Still, it doesn't really count as being paid.

63. Are the people of Skyloft so bored that they have nothing better to do than catch retarted little bugs? Seriously, everyone needs a hobby but you know, yeah you get what I mean.

64. You know that woman in the bazaar who's always cooking? She never stops. Even at night. And yet she never seems to actually feed anyone. Even her own son!

65. Is Link an orphan? I mean you never see his parents in any of the games and there is always this sort of guardian figure. Yeah, I think he's an orphan (no offense to any orphans)

66. I'll never understand why there are so many people in the fanfiction (and internet) community who think that Link is gay. No, he is not. And will never have (or did have) a "relationship" with Ghirahim. Ya know why? Because Ghirahim is dead. (no offense to any gays, I don't hate gays I just don't like that particular pairing.)

67. Beedle is British... he must be related to Demise!... he must also die... come to think of it he's also in ever Zelda games, at least I think so.

68. Karane and Pipit. Seems legit.

69. You know who I'd like to see perform 69, Link and Zelda. I think it would be nice. (if any kids are reading this then it suddenly became very awkward... because they might not know what that is... *whistles innocently while walking away*

70. Cawlin and weird ghost hand from toilet. Seems legit. (for those of you who don't know, legit is short for legitimate, pronounced lej-it)

71. Is it just me or are these thought rapidly getting worse... yeah, it's just you.

72. Yaoi obsessed fangirl: OMG! Link and Ghirahim! Seems le-  
Me: NO! That is incorrect!

73. ...I just realized, how the fuck did the skyloftians find metal? And how do they get it. Plus, how are they able to breathe?!

74. Another thing, how did they get rupees?!

75. LEVEL UP!

99. Yeah, I was rapidly running out of humorous thoughts so I level'd up and instead of being level 75, I am now level 99! Powerful enough to defeat even the Elite Four!... and Demise... I totally did not just use another Pokémon reference...

100. I know that this isn't exactly the most original kind of story but I hope thst you've found it funny. What with all the humorous stuff about skyward sword (and LoZ in general... and some other franchise that involves things like electric, yellow mice... Pokémon! What! No! Not that!)

I hope you had a good time reading this.

Thanks, Shadow.

P.S: Don't forget to review!


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